Sacred Marriage: A Book Review
By April Lakata Cao
If 2011 is the year you’ve committed to improving your relationship with your spouse then Gary Thomas’ book, Sacred Marriage, is a must read. I’ve read more than my fair share of books on building God-centered marriages but none left me challenged and humbled the way Sacred Marriage did. My copy is dog-eared and rumpled, well worn from sharing with friends and family, acting as a faithful companion to my Bible.
What would you say if someone told you that God created marriage more for His holiness than our happiness? This is exactly the perspective Gary Thomas shares, all but shattering our contemporary view of marriage which tends to focus on personal fulfillment and happiness. The back cover alone is enough to make you want to pull up a comfortable chair and settle in for a long read. Thomas writes, “Your marriage is more than a sacred covenant with another person. It is a spiritual discipline to help you know God better, trust him more fully, and love him more deeply.”
Sacred Marriage doesn’t apologize for how God designed marriage and it’s not a marriage book disguised as a “how to” manual. There is no secret formula for creating the perfect marriage but what you will find on each and every one of the 298 pages is thought provoking and biblically sound guidance on everything from reconciliation and forgiveness to romance and sexual intimacy. But it doesn’t stop there as the author delves into matters of the heart that so often burden and hinder growth and intimacy in our marriages. He tackles tough issues like what happens when we allow contempt to become a stumbling block in relationships or why we are to love the sinner unconditionally. Chapter eight, entitled Sacred Struggle, focuses on embracing difficulty in order to build character. Thomas suggests that by avoiding hardships, particularly those we encounter in marriage, and abandoning our struggles (through divorce) only keeps us in spiritual infancy, therefore adversely affecting our relationship with Christ.
If you want a book that let’s you off the hook for a difficult or unfulfilling marriage, Sacred Marriage is not for you. If you want to be challenged in your faith, if you want a marriage that is deeply rooted in the love of Jesus Christ, if you desire holiness above happiness then read this book. You will be inspired by the personal accounts of men and women who changed the course of their marriage because they first relied on God so they could then partner in love and joy with their spouse. Thomas quotes Dietrich Bonhoeffer who so eloquently wrote, “Christian marriage is marked by discipline and self-denial…Christianity does not therefore depreciate marriage, it sanctifies it.” (pg 186)
Whether you are contemplating marriage, newly married or celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary, Sacred Marriage shows how we can deepen and strengthen our relationship with God through our marriage and how through marriage Christ’s character is revealed.
About the Author:
April Lakata Cao is a native of Northern Virginia and currently resides in Virginia Beach, Va., where she has just completed her eighth move in eleven years of marriage. April and her husband, a graduate of the United States Naval Academy, have two beautiful children ages four and seven. Visit her blog, Amazing Grace, at www.intoourheart.blogspot.com.
I loved this book. I read it over and over and when my husband had an affair a couple of years ago. We are still together, and I am not sure if we still would be without this book opening my eyes to God’s purposes for marriage. It brought me closer to God than I ever thought I could be…..and ultimately brought my marriage back to God. Anyone who is married, is getting married, or ever wants to get married, should read it.
I love that book! My husband and I are reading it together during this, his second, deployment, and it’s been so encouraging to my soul. I wish we had done this during the first, much longer and more difficult deployment. Gary Thomas and his wife were kind enough to send my husband and me copies of his Sacred Parenting book and it already looks like it’s just as insightful. Can’t wait to sink my teeth into that one as well. Thanks for all you share, April. I can usually relate to what you write!
Your words had been an encouragement to my wife to order this book. I was extremely resistant, hard hearted toward what God wanted to do in our marriage. I have had a good marriage, great even. It was a God thing, as my wife and I like to say, that only recently tore through my stubbornness. We have started reading through this book and have found it to be uplifting, confronting, and real. I am grateful that God lead you to write about this book.