Comments on: Dear Kathy: How do I tell my in-laws we want to keep R&R for ourselves?

By: Deanna Chandler

Deanna Chandler — Fri, 21 Sep 2012 16:03:29 +0000

I am a mother-in-law. Before I was a MIL, I was the mother. I am grateful for my daughter-in-law who has always been so gracious and loving concerning her husband / my son. Unless I’m reading her wrong, I have always felt her support and encouragement about spending time with them during these special times. I know all situations are different, but during my son’s R&R, my husband and I will do everything possible to visit for 2 or 3 days and even arrange for our son and daughter-in-law to have an “overnighter” to themselves while we stay with the children. We’ve done this before and it was a very special time for them. As far as the entire 2 weeks – as much as I would love to have all that time with them, they need THEIR time together. So remember, spouses of deployed soldiers, while you miss your spouse, we are missing our child. Thank you for loving our children.

By: Becky

Becky — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:55:01 +0000

I totally agree with you Allison. Stress swarms the air when my MIL is anywhere near us. I would put myself in her place though, and think that, if this was my son coming home on leave, I would want to see him too, even if it is only for a short time. I think she should go with the 1-night option. It is after all his family, and also the grandkids’ grandparents.
I would definitely do it the 2nd or 3rd day he’s home (and of course, not the FIRST day he’s home), to give everyone enough time to recoup from the stress of having everyone there.
I just think that telling her (even though I would want to also) that this time is for you guys is slightly selfish, and would only lead to damage control later.

By: Allison

Allison — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 01:28:33 +0000

The R&R is just that.. rest and relaxation, and if your MIL is anything like mine that means that it wont be a time of rest if she were to come visit. Be firm with her and tell her that she is welcome to come see her son when he returns from deployment, but this time is just for you too.