I know I can’t be the only one who feels energized for Christ some days and a little lethargic on other days.  Sometimes, my life feels a little like the ocean.  Full of waves, with the tide coming in and going out.  I don’t know how else to explain it.  While my husband was deployed, I earnestly prayed and was seeking God on a daily basis.  His unit was hit especially hard.  In May of 2007, my husbands vehicle hit an IED in of which – he was given a Purple Heart because of his injuries.  He stayed in Iraq with his guys.  I prayed every day, and even woke up in the middle of the night praying that God would bring my husband home.

My relationship with Christ was “tight”  during deployment.  Redeployment started getting closer.  I was excited that my husband would be coming home to our family and that the Lord answered my prayers.  After my husband came home, we quickly realized he sustained a traumatic brain injury and other medical issues because of his injuries in Iraq – I questioned God sometimes.  I was confused.  I wondered if I had prayed the right way.  I prayed that the Lord would bring him home, but I didn’t pray that God would bring him home as a whole… emotionally and healthy.

I began to feel it was my fault that my husband was injured, because I possibly didn’t pray the right way.  Sometimes, my walk with God started to shake.  Since 2007, my husband has been to several doctors.  He has underwent surgery, and has been told he needs more surgery in the future.  He has struggled with images haunted by the war, nightmares and survivors guilt.  I wondered at times if I should have even prayed for God to bring my husband home from that horrible place.  Was I selfish in my prayers?

Over the past four years, it’s been incredibly trying.  Not only was I in the middle of trying to figure out why things happened the way they did for my husband, but my mom has been fighting cancer and my little girl has been diagnosed with something called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

Many questions and many thoughts ran through my head as I tried to figure life out.  Then, one day – it hit me.  I was trying to figure it all out.  I was trying to understand WHY God did things, or didn’t do things… I was trying to figure out why life was hitting us so hard. I started to form theories about WHY we were facing obstacles.  I was trying to understand Gods understanding… and that’s a recipe for disaster.  There were days I literally asked God, “Why us?!”

I would ask God, why us?

I always felt the same answer being spoken to me…

Because your circumstances can reach many… you can talk to those who others may not be able to talk to.

I’d then think… maybe I don’t want to talk about our experiences… maybe I just want to have a break in life.

Every time I’d try to put everything behind me, to forget about my husbands awful deployment… I’d run into a military wife or a military family who would come to me asking questions such as, How do you do it? or How do you keep your marriage together through all of this? I couldn’t just *not* answer… I had to tell them, I simply couldn’t have – and cannot do it alone.  It’s not me… it’s God.

While, there are questions and things I don’t understand sometimes… things I’d rather not go through… I have have to admit, I know the Lords hand is in it all.  I know He has not caused bad things to happen to my husband or to myself, but He allows these circumstances to happen – and if we let it, we can use these circumstances to His glory.  To teach others about Christ and that is most important.

Questions to you: What’s your story? What have you been through as a military wife? How can you use your experiences for the good? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

WINNER: The winner of Cathy West’s book, Yesterday’s Tomorrow, is Sierra! Please email raleneburke [at] yahoo [dot] com with your mailing address. Thank you.