Sing them over again to me, wonderful words of life,
Let me more of their beauty see, wonderful words of life;
Words of life and beauty teach me faith and duty!
Beautiful words, wonderful words, wonderful words of life!
Christ, the blessèd One, gives to all wonderful words of life;
Sinner, list to the loving call, wonderful words of life;
All so freely given, wooing us to heaven!
Beautiful words, wonderful words, wonderful words of life!
Sweetly echo the Gospel call, wonderful words of life;
Offer pardon and peace to all, wonderful words of life;
Jesus, only Savior, sanctify us forever!
Beautiful words, wonderful words, wonderful words of life!
–Phil­ip P. Bliss, 1874

Some­times com­fort­ing a hurt­ing or dis­tressed per­son can be uncom­fort­able. Even when we have faced the same trial our­selves, it can still be hard and unset­tling. I think this is where cer­tain overused phrases are born. Out of a sin­cere desire to help and encour­age we find a phrase or two we are com­fort­able utter­ing. We slowly build a small reper­toire of niceties we can say when we feel hard pressed for a word of com­fort. Some of these phrases are ones I have heard many mil­i­tary spouses lament.

Phrases such as “You are so strong! I don’t know how you do it!” or “I know I am not strong enough to go through that! It’s amaz­ing the way you are cop­ing with this!” The inten­tion is kind­ness, but the result may be more dis­cour­ag­ing than you realize.

When we use this type of encour­age­ment we are hop­ing to build the per­son up, make her feel less alone, make her feel less des­per­ate, and help her muster her courage (hence the word encouragement). But, encour­ag­ing her using her per­sonal attrib­utes falls short. Why? Because she knows bet­ter! She knows she really is not strong, and that she really isn’t always han­dling the cri­sis she faces in the best way pos­si­ble. Some­times these state­ments can even iso­late her or make her feel ashamed and unable to con­fess her strug­gle hon­estly and openly. You have just told her she is strong, and she may just let you believe that.

The sis­ter you say this to may have been up all night cry­ing and wor­ry­ing her­self sick about her sol­dier. She may be deeply lost and griev­ing for her best friend whose hus­band was killed. She may smile and look strong, but her spirit may be strug­gling to find com­fort. Another sis­ter may have just con­fessed to the Lord that she doesn’t know if she will make it through this upcom­ing deploy­ment. She can not see how she will make it from one moment to the next. Yet, she smiles when you ask her how she is doing and when you tell her you don’t know how she does it. Hon­estly, she doesn’t know either, and she needs to be reminded!

We have such a won­der­ful model of encour­age­ment in scrip­ture. When I think of Job or when I think of the new Churches Paul was nur­tur­ing through hard­ships and tri­als, I look at how encour­age­ment came. How did God com­fort Job? He cer­tainly did not tell Job that he was strong and could get through it. No, God com­forted Job through recall­ing and reveal­ing God’s char­ac­ter­. He brought Job through his tor­ment and suf­fer­ing by remind­ing him that, although Job is weak and help­less, God is the Almighty. Job is left speech­less as his focus is shifted from his imme­di­ate pain and suf­fer­ing to the reas­sur­ance that his hope in the One True God would never be misplaced.

Paul’s let­ters to the early churches never started with “You are so strong you will get through this per­se­cu­tion. I don’t know how you do it!” No! Instead, we read through­out the Pauline let­ters words of exhor­ta­tion and encour­age­ment in the hope that they had in the Risen Sav­ior. “You can not, but Jesus Christ the Risen Sav­ior and Reign­ing King can, and because He is faith­ful, He will,” was the encour­age­ment that came to them in their time of need.

Pray­ing and speak­ing the attrib­utes of God as revealed in scrip­ture is such an encour­age­ment to a tired and weary spirit. There is noth­ing more com­fort­ing to a child of God than to be lov­ingly told, “I know you can’t do this, but Christ Jesus is faith­ful. Because He’s faith­ful you can do this!” “You can do all things through Christ Jesus who strength­ens you.” or “I know you are not strong and you feel like you are ready to give up. Let’s pray together so we can remem­ber God’s good­ness and kind­nesses to us.”

The only real hope and encour­age­ment we have to give is through our Sav­ior, Christ Jesus. Speak lov­ing truths to those who are hurt­ing. It is like a calm­ing and heal­ing salve to the tired and sore spirit. Lov­ingly remind them that God is sov­er­eign and good. Speak ‘won­der­ful words of life’ to one another!

About the Author:
Claire Shackelford began writing when she found herself attached to the Army at the hip—at one point her husband and two sons were serving. It was then she began writ­ing about her jour­ney through sep­a­ra­tions and deployments from a Christian perspective. She never faced deploy­ment with her hus­band, but she has been through 2 now with her old­est son. Claire holds a Master’s Degree in Social Work and served as a ministry leader with Christian Military Wives and on the Board of Directors for Christian Military Fellowship. You can find more of Claire’s writing at Colloquial Soliloquy.